Inbox (1)

I used to think emails were fun to receive. Whether it was a super sale at Kate Spade or a message from an old friend, I always looked forward to seeing what Inbox (1) had in store for me. 

That feeling of euphoria changed at a job I had a few years back. At the time, it was the best job I’d ever had. My coworkers were nice, supportive, and caring. The work I was doing was noble and helped empower people. Then, I received an email from my boss:

To: Courtney Takabayashi
From: Courtney’s Boss
Date: November 20, 2010
Subject: Urgent Matter

Courtney-

There have been several reports by your colleagues of your “inappropriate, immature, and unprofessional behavior.” They feel this behavior is creating a “hostile work environment.” I want to talk to you about these allegations as I do not take behavioral problems lightly. Please come to my office immediately.
Thank you,
Courtney’s Boss
​
It’s an understatement to say that I was surprised, shocked, and hurt. I had no idea who these people were and I couldn’t imagine that my perceived behavior was creating a hostile work environment. 

I spoke to my boss and she said my accusers wanted to remain anonymous. I wasn’t given any specific examples so I was unable to defend myself. My accusers wanted mediation with me, our boss and another colleague, someone they had confided in. I agreed to mediation if my accusers were separated, if there was a third-party mediator, and if I was provided with a list of the complaints so I’d have time to prepare my side of the story. After weeks of stress and worry, my boss informed me that my accusers did not decide to pursue meditation, end of story. 

It was kind of a relief, but I still felt uneasy. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I wondered who my accusers were. I wondered who was talking about me. Just when I thought I was safe, there it was again: Inbox (1).

To: Courtney Takabayashi
From: Courtney’s Boss 
Date: January 31, 2011
Subject: Unbecoming Behavior

Courtney-

Today, I received reports from your colleagues who were appalled and upset by witnessing your boisterous laughter today. Your laughter was perceived as malicious and it prevented several people from doing their work. Some people believe you are trying to call attention to yourself and that you are contributing to poor moral and reflect a lack of professionalism. I would like to speak to you immediately. 

Courtney’s Boss

Yet again I was being accused by anonymous cowards (probably the same motherfuckers), but at least this time I knew the specifics. Though I did my best to to explain that I had no intention of laughing maliciously or keeping people from working, my boss said that “some people” thought I was “rallying support” for myself, trying to bring everyone down by creating  “Courtney-sympathizers.” WTF.

After that I was traumatized. Every Inbox (1)  made my stomach hurt and heart race. I lived in fear that I was going to be accused of something else. Maybe for sneezing threateningly or breathing intimidatingly. Though I maintained my innocence, I still felt like I must have been an awful person for other people to report me to our boss. Maybe I did have a malicious laugh. Perhaps I did create a hostile work environment. I felt isolated from everyone. I did not want to get my friends in trouble through guilt-by-association. And I sure didn’t want to chance talking to anyone in case they were one of my nameless accusers. I hated my job. I hated my life. I hated myself. I felt like a worthless person who didn’t deserve to live.  

Just as I was about to give up on everything, I saw it again: Inbox (1). Tears of frustration in my eyes, I clicked to see what crime I was about to be accused of this time. To my surprise the message was from a stranger.  
​
To: Courtney Takabayashi
From: A Stranger
Date: February 10, 2011
Subject: Your Mom

Dear Courtney,

My name is Cindy. You don’t know me but I saw an advertisement for your book with the name Jan Shoda in its title. It caught my eye because I had a good friend named Jan Shoda. We had classes together at Waipahu High School and in college, we would take turns driving to UH. Then, your mom met and married Ronald Kunimura and we lost touch after that because Ron was a little possessive. 

Anyway, I last saw Jan at Times Supermarket in Pearl City. She was pregnant at the time and she was still the same cute, sweet, funny, sparkly person I remembered from high school. After we parted, I regretted not asking for her number or address. I never knew if she had a boy or a girl. I heard that she passed away awhile back. It made me very sad. 

When I read Jan’s name in the title of your book, I thought intuitively you may be her daughter. Just seeing her name brought a flood of wonderful memories of my dear friend. If you are her daughter, I want to say that she would be very proud of you. She was a strong person with a good, kind and giving heart and I am certain you must be like her. Please let me know if you are in fact, Jan Shoda’s daughter. 

Much love,
Cindy

I couldn’t believe it. Out of nowhere, a woman from my mom’s past came into my life when I needed kindness and reassurance the most. It was as if my mother, who passed away when I was 19,  was looking out for me. She had sent her old friend to comfort her distressed daughter. Cindy’s message made me realize that things weren’t so bad after all and that life was so much bigger and beautiful than a couple of duds intent on bringing me down. 

​Thanks to my mother’s friend and possibly a ghostly intervention, I no longer have anxiety when I see Inbox (1). I feel excited because it could be a new message from a woman who is filled with love, positivity, and best of all, stories about my mom.