The Age of Motherhood

When my mom passed away suddenly from a heart attack just one week shy of her 45th birthday, I was 19 years old. At the time, I perceived that life would be a lot harder without my mom there but whenever there were big events she should be present for, it felt like I lost her all over again.

I always pictured myself as a mother with my mom supporting my children as the best grandmother in the world. I know that part of me put off having children as long as possible to avoid this sad truth. But with my biological clock ticking, it was finally time to try to expand our family.

Long before I was married, I fixated on Jennifer Aniston getting married at 32 years old. I don’t even like Jennifer Aniston that much, or Brad Pitt for that matter, but I thought that waiting until 32 to get married sounded like a good plan. Somehow, this came to fruition without too much struggle. I happened to meet my now-husband when we were in our late 20s. We got engaged after three years and then got married when I was 32. So, it’s no surprise that when I heard that Lisa Bonet gave birth to her youngest child (with Jason Momoa omg) when she was 41 years old, I decided that 41 was a good time to have a baby.

And here we are. I’m about a month away from my daughter’s due date. Though it’s heart-breaking to think that my mom can’t be here for my pregnancy or my daughter’s birth, I have no choice but to be strong. Being sad won’t bring her back. I just need to be sure to share stories about my beloved mother with my daughter. I want my daughter to know that her grandmother was the most loving, generous, kind, and funny woman in the world and that I’m lucky to have spent 19 years of my life learning from her and being loved by her. I need to make it my life’s mission to love and appreciate my daughter so that no matter what, she knows that I’ll always be in her heart.

Me and my mom circa 1981